How to Stalk Somebody...

  Post 10               How to stalk somebody

Hey there people whats up???
O really???
well get this...
nobody gives a damn.......

I know i haven't posted for months but I've decided to get back in the game, my writing skills might be a but still here goes nothing.
Well you must be reading this for two reasons the first one is that you people might be a nerd who needs a life in that case you might want to head over to my friend's blog here if that's not the case then you've come to the right place and in a few moments time i shall turn you into a lean mean stalking machine.

  I'll assume that you are fairly new to the act of stalking (why else would you be here noob.....), I'll start off by explaing to you what stalking is...
Definition:-

                Stalking: Stalking is a term commonly used to refer to unwanted or obsessive attention by an individual or group toward another person...(that was copied from wikipedia)

and now my definition

Stalking is the only way of telling the person who you're attracted to that how much you truly love him/her. 

The Practical Implications of stalking:-

                                                         Stalking in itself is an art just like hunting or shooting and if you're really good at it you can monetize your stalking expertise by becoming a paparazzi or a spy.

The types of stalking:-

                                 Stalking is sub-divided into a couple of categories(i am too lazy to count them all) i'll just list a couple of them.

1) E-stalking:-

                      The act of being really creepy by invading someone's privacy through electronic/digital channels is called e-stalking.It used to be really expensive and difficult in the early 90's but now thanks to social networking sites, proxies and hacking scripts even a monkey with a blindfold could do it.

2) Close proximity stalking:-(yes i made the term up myself,u mad????)

                                          This kind of stalking is done by people who have real guts for the job, they follow their stalkees(yes my word, u jelly?) everywhere tehy goa nd they are not afraid to be noticed they may wait hours outside the stalkees house waitng for a glimpse of the stalkee or a slipper from her, anything will do for them. Thest people use their "SOURCES" to find the contact info. (emails,telephone num.,mobile num, anything will do for them.) 

3) James Bond 007:-

                                These people aren't actual stalkers but are mostly vailas and faarigh people with cash burning a hole in their pockets. These people use sensitive spy gear like secret cameras voice recorders telephone tapping and trackers and bugs to obtain 24/7 info about their stalkees. These people are the all time high at the creep'o'meter, and they give real stalkers a bad name...

Thing that you'll need:-

                                  Here is a list of things that you'll need...

1) A person to stalk

2) A good pair of binoculars.

3) A portable computer and a portable internet connector.

4) A phone..

5) common sense.

6) cool suspicious clothes (a black wollen ski cap,black  cargo pants with pockets, a black high neck)

7) a little knowledge on hacking..... 
8) Multiple sim cards (20 is minimal)

  How to stalk your stalkee:-

                                           This is a step by step guide on how to be a stalker...

1) Get a stalkee (did you actually think you could become a stalker without one??? how dumb could you get?) Choose your stalkee wisely if you're a guy get that cute girl from your class yea that one which doesn't even know you exist , this will show her....

2) Follow your stalkee around but be sure to maintain a distance of around 10 m (what? are you too lazy for this? might i suggest studying then???)

3) Obtain his/her number from anywhere you can e.g your mutual friends..(*tip:-if you don't have any then steal his/her friend's mobile...*)(and remember its theft if and only if you get caught...)

4) Find a place to stay near your stalkees house... a new hangout spot but that plae must have a clear view of your stalkee's abode(house).... 

5) Call your stalker from the PCO or the internet and don't say a word just keep on breathing deeply....

6) Send him/her threatning messages from differnet number....

7) If your stalkees cathers you red handed and hands you over to the police then don't loose hope get out of jail in 3 years and repeat the process...

8) If she presses charges then remeber a restraint order is just another way of saying "I love you.. (but your stalkee might not know this...)

9) Send her/him flowers,chocis and letters from his/her secret admirer. (yes that's you...Stupid) regularly.

10) Add her/his closest friends on fb/twitter and use their accounts to stalk his/her pics and other info.

                                               And viola now you're a grade 'A' stalker....

Tips and cautions:-

1)                           In most countries stalking is illegal but who cares right???? rules are their to be broken, and not only broken but to be broken and trampled upon...

2) Don't over do it.

3) Don't go around wearing leaves on your head in an urban environment.(that's just plain stupid)

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Disclaimer:-

                   Use the tips provided in this article at your own expense as this artical is only intended for recreational purposes..

Dont use this article withour accrediting me.

if you don't find this funny then go kill yourself.

grammar is not my strong point.

any damage done to your physical,social or mental status by this artical is your fault not mine... 

Stalking is illegal its creepy and just plain bad.... 
Don't mind the spelling mistakes, texting has ruined my typing...

Unanswerable questions....

Blog Post 8  

                                           Unanswerable questions....

Hey readers I was sick (rhinitis) and because of that my creativity was blocked so I couldn't come up with a better topic, so I decided to copy and paste some of other people's works and pass them on as my own original work (you didn't read that). Stupid questions, unanswerable riddles call 'em whatever you want heck it's a free country take advantage of your freedom and thank The lord Almighty that you don't live in North Korea or some other state like that,oh yea unanswerable questions,
here are the best of them that i could come up with (google).
Tips
Bear in mind that these questions are for fun don't ask the teacher about them they get touchy (Like it matterzz?)
Don't ask them to people twice your size...
Don't ask your parents about them it just pisses them off
and they don't like that(true story).

Some extremely dumb/stupid/unanswerable questions...
1) What's the value of x?
2) what's the actual value of 0 (zero)
3) Why does the alarm clock "go off" when it actually goes on?
4) If you crossed a bulldog with a shitsu would the offspring be called bull-shit? (yes both are dogs.....)
5) If jimmy cracks corn and no one cares then why is there a song about it?
6) why do you have to stop at a Drive-thru?
7) Why does mineral water that has trickled through rocks for centuries expires the next year?
8) Why does sour cream has an expiry date?
9) why does goofy stand erect and Pluto stays on all fours???
10) Why do they call it taking a dump when you're actually leaving it?
11) Where does the rhyme says that Humpty Dumpty is an egg?
12) Why do the banks leave the doors wide opened but their pens chained to the desks?
13) If electricity comes from electrons does morality come from morons?
14) Why doesn't Donald duck wear any pants?
15) If an Orange is an orange then why isn't a lime called a green and lemon called a yellow?
16) What color would a smurf turn if you choke it?
17) Why is Greenland covered in snow and iceland covered in grass?
18) Is Australia a continent or a country?
19) Are nokia phones Indestructible?
20) If you own a piece of land do you own it all the way down to the earth's core?
21) Why can't women put mascara (whateva that might be :P) with their mouths closed?
22) Why is there a l light in the fridge but not in the freezer?
23) What do you call male Ballet dancers?(ballerinas i think)
24) If corn oil is made from corn and sunflower oil made from sunflowers is baby oil made from babies???
25) Why isn't 11 pronounced 'onety one'?
26) Why do they call it a TV set when you get only one?
27) who closes the door when the bus driver gets off?
28) When you perform a head count do Siamese twins count as one or two?
29) how long do fish wait to swim after they have had a meal?
30) Why do we call it shipment if it goes from truck or car but cargo when it goes by Ship or plane?
31) Would Einstien be insulted if you offer him a penny for his thoughts?
32) Are there crash courses on flying?

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YEAH I KNOW ITS NOT THAT FUNNY ISN'T BEING SICK TORTURE ENOUGH?
Have fun annoying people but don't overdo it.....
disclaimer:-
            I own only a couple of questions in this post most of them were copied and pasted by me.
            I hold no responsibility whatsoever about the damages done to you mentally or physically after reading this blog.

            Grammer yea i know i was too sick to fix my grammatical errors...

            North Korea is really an awesome country, you should probably go there for your next vacations..

           

Remember to comment and share.............

http://www.kestometik.org 

Well we all have to start some where...

Well we all have to start some where don't we?

So as this is my first ever post i want this to be remembered, Please don't expect it to be anything extraordinary, If you do, you will be disappointed.
                                       Starting In the name of Allah
                                             The most merciful

So My new readers I will give you a few tips on how to annoy people around you.
Before you can start annoying people you must choose your target, Bear in mind that the person chosen as a target should meet the following critera.
1) Shouldn't be stronger than you.
2) Should be able to take a joke.
3) Mustn't get scared easily.

So here are the 25 best tips to annoy people.
                               (In an Elevator)
1) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them  to call you Admiral.
2) Meow occasionally.
3) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
4) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
5) Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
                            (While Ordering pizza for home delivery)
6) Start the conversation with "My call to (Pizza Place), take one... and... ACTION!"
7) Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
8) Ask to see a menu.
9) Say you'll be able to pay for this "when the Hollywood people call back."
10) Learn to imitate a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.
                            (In the exam room)
11) Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
12) Bring Cheerleaders.
13) Get the copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!"
14) On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
15) Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
                          (Annoying things to Do During a Boring Lecture)
16) When the professor asks a question, raise your hand. If the professor calls on you, point to someone in the next row and say "He knows." Pick a different person each time.
17) Buy a watermelon. Give it to the professor. If he/she asks, say "They were out of apples."
18) Bring a fishing rod. Try to catch things on the professor's desk. 
19) Bring a flash camera. Take pictures every few minutes, using a very bright flash. If anyone complains, say that you didn't see any sign saying you couldn't bring cameras.     
20) Sneeze very loudly. Then have the person next to you sneeze, then the person next to him, and so on. See how long it takes before the professor sneezes.
                           (Annoying things to do at the local Super Market)
21) Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
22) Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
23) When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in thin narrow aisles.
24) Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
25) Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field. 
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 Disclaimer:Use these tips at your own risk,the blogger takes no responsibility for damages       done to you by using the methods enlisted here
I own nothing in this list i just found them online and compiled them thank you for your time.          

Other Blogs worth your time:

1) Hammad's (AKA the hamster/Pindiboy's blog): hamstershorts.wordpress.com/