How to Stalk Somebody...

  Post 10               How to stalk somebody

Hey there people whats up???
O really???
well get this...
nobody gives a damn.......

I know i haven't posted for months but I've decided to get back in the game, my writing skills might be a but still here goes nothing.
Well you must be reading this for two reasons the first one is that you people might be a nerd who needs a life in that case you might want to head over to my friend's blog here if that's not the case then you've come to the right place and in a few moments time i shall turn you into a lean mean stalking machine.

  I'll assume that you are fairly new to the act of stalking (why else would you be here noob.....), I'll start off by explaing to you what stalking is...
Definition:-

                Stalking: Stalking is a term commonly used to refer to unwanted or obsessive attention by an individual or group toward another person...(that was copied from wikipedia)

and now my definition

Stalking is the only way of telling the person who you're attracted to that how much you truly love him/her. 

The Practical Implications of stalking:-

                                                         Stalking in itself is an art just like hunting or shooting and if you're really good at it you can monetize your stalking expertise by becoming a paparazzi or a spy.

The types of stalking:-

                                 Stalking is sub-divided into a couple of categories(i am too lazy to count them all) i'll just list a couple of them.

1) E-stalking:-

                      The act of being really creepy by invading someone's privacy through electronic/digital channels is called e-stalking.It used to be really expensive and difficult in the early 90's but now thanks to social networking sites, proxies and hacking scripts even a monkey with a blindfold could do it.

2) Close proximity stalking:-(yes i made the term up myself,u mad????)

                                          This kind of stalking is done by people who have real guts for the job, they follow their stalkees(yes my word, u jelly?) everywhere tehy goa nd they are not afraid to be noticed they may wait hours outside the stalkees house waitng for a glimpse of the stalkee or a slipper from her, anything will do for them. Thest people use their "SOURCES" to find the contact info. (emails,telephone num.,mobile num, anything will do for them.) 

3) James Bond 007:-

                                These people aren't actual stalkers but are mostly vailas and faarigh people with cash burning a hole in their pockets. These people use sensitive spy gear like secret cameras voice recorders telephone tapping and trackers and bugs to obtain 24/7 info about their stalkees. These people are the all time high at the creep'o'meter, and they give real stalkers a bad name...

Thing that you'll need:-

                                  Here is a list of things that you'll need...

1) A person to stalk

2) A good pair of binoculars.

3) A portable computer and a portable internet connector.

4) A phone..

5) common sense.

6) cool suspicious clothes (a black wollen ski cap,black  cargo pants with pockets, a black high neck)

7) a little knowledge on hacking..... 
8) Multiple sim cards (20 is minimal)

  How to stalk your stalkee:-

                                           This is a step by step guide on how to be a stalker...

1) Get a stalkee (did you actually think you could become a stalker without one??? how dumb could you get?) Choose your stalkee wisely if you're a guy get that cute girl from your class yea that one which doesn't even know you exist , this will show her....

2) Follow your stalkee around but be sure to maintain a distance of around 10 m (what? are you too lazy for this? might i suggest studying then???)

3) Obtain his/her number from anywhere you can e.g your mutual friends..(*tip:-if you don't have any then steal his/her friend's mobile...*)(and remember its theft if and only if you get caught...)

4) Find a place to stay near your stalkees house... a new hangout spot but that plae must have a clear view of your stalkee's abode(house).... 

5) Call your stalker from the PCO or the internet and don't say a word just keep on breathing deeply....

6) Send him/her threatning messages from differnet number....

7) If your stalkees cathers you red handed and hands you over to the police then don't loose hope get out of jail in 3 years and repeat the process...

8) If she presses charges then remeber a restraint order is just another way of saying "I love you.. (but your stalkee might not know this...)

9) Send her/him flowers,chocis and letters from his/her secret admirer. (yes that's you...Stupid) regularly.

10) Add her/his closest friends on fb/twitter and use their accounts to stalk his/her pics and other info.

                                               And viola now you're a grade 'A' stalker....

Tips and cautions:-

1)                           In most countries stalking is illegal but who cares right???? rules are their to be broken, and not only broken but to be broken and trampled upon...

2) Don't over do it.

3) Don't go around wearing leaves on your head in an urban environment.(that's just plain stupid)

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Disclaimer:-

                   Use the tips provided in this article at your own expense as this artical is only intended for recreational purposes..

Dont use this article withour accrediting me.

if you don't find this funny then go kill yourself.

grammar is not my strong point.

any damage done to your physical,social or mental status by this artical is your fault not mine... 

Stalking is illegal its creepy and just plain bad.... 
Don't mind the spelling mistakes, texting has ruined my typing...